8 Questions I'd like to Ask God ...

I’m not a believer in God, but just in case I’m wrong, and someday I find myself before the Almighty, there are an awful lot of questions I’d like to ask. However, the Lord being so busy I’ve narrowed it down to a list of eight, and they’re not the usual questions you’d expect …

1. Men

God, why did you create men? Our lives would have been so much simpler if we didn’t need them to reproduce. Couldn’t you have made the process much simpler – and is it too late for a design rethink?

2. Periods

These are a waste of the body’s resources, make us miserable and can be very painful. Yes, you gave us chocolate by way of compensation, but as wonderful as chocolate is, it really doesn’t provide adequate reward for putting up with PMS and menstrual cramps for the best part of 40 years.

3. Weather

Why didn’t you share the good weather around? Here we are with some countries under water, while others suffer from a complete lack. England never gets the sun – that’s really fair. And if we must have rotten weather, why did you not equip the forecasters with the skills to get it right, so we’re at least given fair warning?

4. People

Why can’t people come with an off switch? Especially that irritating neighbour (there’s one in every street or building) that takes far too much of an interest in everyone else’s lives. A remote control for humans would really come in handy …

5. Toothpaste

Now, this is a burning question. Forget philosophical issues, what I really want to know is why the blob of toothpaste always falls off my brush? And why does it always have to land on my clothes?

6. Cats

I know quite a lot about cats. But there is one thing in particular that really puzzles me. Why is it that when you have a black and white cat, it sheds black hairs all over your white clothes, and white all over your black clothes?

7. Dan Brown

I’m sure great human minds have puzzled over this one and failed. So it’s up to you, Lord. Why oh why did so many people buy copies of the Da Vinci Code? It’s not that well written and the theology’s shot to pieces – couldn’t you have got the Vatican to suppress the book on the grounds that it’s simply not very good?

8. The Big Question …

Why haven’t you told anyone you’re a woman? What’s with this ‘man made in God’s image?’ We all know that behind every great man there’s a powerful woman, so it stands to follow that a supreme deity must be female …

So, what questions would you just love to have answered? There surely can’t be anything that God couldn’t answer, so why not list your top 3 …

Top Photo Credit: Ben Heine